Remembering Maxwell Puckett
by xiao-lanlan
Summary: Sam has a dark past. And change isn't impossible as Freddie likes to think so..even for Sam.
1. IHave No Feelings

Remembering Maxwell Puckett by. Aimie

Chapter 1: "IHave No Feelings"

"Hello!" said Carly in a posh British accent.

"Bonjour!" winked Sam

"Konnichiwa!" said Carly flashing a peace sign."Well, however you say it, today is 'HI" day!"

"So grab a person and say hi!" smiled Sam in a hill billy way.

The girls smiled at each other and waved at each other and at Freddie. Freddie smiled and waved back from behind his camera.

"Today we have something to celebrate..." started Carly.

"A very unimpotant day..." said Sam

The girl looked at each other and yelled "FREDDIE'S BIRTHDAY!!" then the started dancing like crazy maniacs.

"Tell our audience how old you are, geek"

"15" he said clicking some buttons on his laptop and walking into the shot with Carly and Sam.

"And now we have some presents for you!" said Carly pointing at Freddie.

"We do?" asked Sam in a confused way. "Oh..oh yeah, we do!"

"Here's from me to you" said Carly handing him a blue, nicely wrapped box.

"Carly, you shouldn't have" he said looking at her with googly eyes.

"OPEN IT! OPEN IT!" yelled Sam.

Freddie opened the box, from in it he took out a nicely decorated shirt with the logo "I HEART MY COMPUTER" written all over it.

"Do you love it?" asked Carly smiling.

"I love it!" he hugged her and Sam suddenly burst out "HE LOVES IT! My turn now you dweeb, come here" she motioned him to walk over to him. She handed him a green mediocrely wrapped box.

Freddie looked at Sam with 'freaked out' eyes as he began to open it. He took out a pair of boxers that said "MY MOTHER STILL DRESSES ME!" on it. He blushed and stuffed them back in the box angrily.

"So what do you have to say, dweeb?" she asked.

"I get you a new Ipod for your birthday and you get me boxers?" he asked angrily.

"Yeah, it sort of fits your personality!" she said smirking. "The one you DON'T have"

Carly sensed a fight comming on. Oh, how the viewers would love this.

"I have a personality! Everyone does!"

"Yeah. You could just say thank you. It wouldn't hurt you!" she said trying to hide that inside she was hurting.

"Well..." Carly cleared her throat, he turned to look at her. The camera was still on.

"Thanks" he said.

"Welcome. There see, that wasn't so hard" she then ruffled his hair and pushed him out of the shot. He narrowed his eyes at her and rolled his eyes.

They finished up their show and went down stairs to get iced tea. Sam sat down on the couch watching TV, Freddie gave her her cut of iced tea and sat next to her.

"Seriously, why boxers?" he asked in an annoyed tone. "And on camera"

"Because, I thought that you'd be more embaressed. And you know how much I like seeing you embaressed." she said with a smirk.

"Is that it? That's all you want? That's all you like?" he screamed "Do you have any feelings whatsoever?" he asked. She flinched at his anger and came into realization into what he had just said.

She breathed in slowly. "Is that how you see me?" she asked, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Yes!" he said "Isn't enough that you pick on me? And! Embaress me in school! And now you have to go do it on--"

"I have feelings. Everyone does" she said in a whisper. She then got up. "My goal in life is to embarass you, dweeb, and that exactly what I'll do. I don't have feelings...right?"

She left the room without another word.She left Freddie speechless and searching for a comeback. Carly was comming inside the room when she had yelled at him, Carly realized what was wrong.

"Sam?" she called "Sam! Sam!" she pounded on the bathroom door.

"What?" cried a muffled voice.

"It's me Carly. Let me in"

"Okay" Sam opened the door, her eyes were red from the tears she had shed and she almost stumbled to the ground. She leaned against the cold bathroom tile and slid down slowly. Carly knelt down in front of her.

"Oh, Sam" Carly hugged her friend. "I'm so sorry"

"I'm fine, Carly" said Sam wiping the tears from her face "Really."

"No, you're not."

"Yeah. Everyone reminds me of what a horrible person I am." she said getting up to look at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. "But the thing is, I can't say anything, other than.."

"I know" Carly sighed

"Everytime someone tells me something like that, I feel like I failed my father. Like I'm..."

"Don't worry about it. Freddie didn't know what he was saying. He dosen't even know what happened" said Carly hugging Sam tightly.

"It's just sometimes I feel like...like he's right"

It was amazing that under that tough girl exterior lay such a beautiful person.

--

A/N: Like it? hate it? RATE IT! I'm just trying this out. Bear with me I'm new to this Icarly stuff. I was pleased with this chapter actually. Nutty, I know.

Freddie says something he shouldn't have said. Sam realizes something she should have realized a long time ago.

The Heart is something that can change and change isn't impossible, even for Sam.

- Aimie 


	2. ILost My Best Friend

Chapter 2: "ILostMyBestFriend"

Sam stayed over at Carly's apartment that night and she slept on the couch. She cried in her sleep.

-dream sequence-

"Dad! Dad!" she called but no one answered. She was in a dark room, she was 8 years old again with her hair in wavy blond pigtails. BonBon, a stuffed bear that her father had given her was held by her right arm.

"Daddy! Dad! I miss you!" she cried

Then an image of a cold gray day swept into her mind and she was back sitting on her front porch, still a child, grabbing her fathers leg.

"Dad! Don't leave!"

"I'm sorry Sam" said her father

"I'll be a good girl! I promise!!" she said, tears flowing down her pink cheeks.

She watched her Dad get into his car as she tried to catch up to him in the rain. "Daddy!"

Then a man came by with a gun. Sam watched as the man walked ove r to her dad.

"Daddy watch out!" she cried running over to the sidewalk. "Dad!"

But it was too late, a gunshot was heard, a lifeless body of a man was dropped on the wet street and a car ran away.

And a girl cried over her father.

"Dad! Don't die! Dad, please! Dad!" she cried hugging her father close to her in the rain. "Help! Help me please!"

"Sam..." he father began.

"Dad!"

"I..don't...think.. that--" he coughed up some blood and then he died.

"Dad! Please! I know sometimes I'm a bad girl but, I am not heartless! Dad! Don't die" she cried and cried until the ambulance came and took her father away.

She was led back into her house, where her mother took her daughter in her arms.

"I will never be heartless again..." she whispered into her mothers shoulder. End of dream. -

"DAD!" she woke up sweating and crying. She hugged her knees to her chest. "DAD!"

She cried and cried until she couldn't cry anymore and went back to sleep.

"Dad..." she wimpered. "I have feelings..."

-  
a/n: i really hate making her have to suffer. Tear...tear. But...i thought this was good. I'm so sadistic...i feel so bad.

REVIEW. Please don't be annonymous!!

--Amyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy 


	3. iCan't Forgive You

Someone reviewed saying "what does being heartless have to do with an 8 year old?"

the answer is:  
Sam's always been bad.

I know this dosen't say much. But I will explain more in later chapters as to why her dad was leaving and stuff.

Chapter 3: "iCan't Forgive You"

Sam woke up in the morning light wishing that she was somewhere else. Somewhere where no problems occured, somewhere safe and distant from pain and horror. Sam got up from the couch, washed her face and went to make herself breakfast.

She had never known her mother's love, she had never eaten from food her mother had made. She was always on her own since her father died, always alone searching for something she knew she could never find.

She opened the refigerator and took out a carton of milk, two eggs, butter, and bread. She began to fry the eggs when Carly had come down to greet her.

"Good morning!" she said in a sing-songy voice "How you feeling?"

"I've been better, you?"

"Eh, you know" Carly looked at the food "Watcha cooking?"

"Food. Want some?" Sam asked. Carly nodded and Sam went to look for more food in the fridge.

"Thanks."

Ding dong...

"I'll get it!" said Calry as she jumped over to the door and opened it. "Hi Freddie!"

"Hey, Carly? What's cookin'?" Carly stared at him like he was crazy. "You know cuz' I smell food?"

"Uh...sure?" Carly rolled her eyes and let him in "Sam's cooking some food..."

Freddie went into the kitchen and saw Sam flipping some eggs.

"Hey, dork."

"Hi" he said rolling his eyes "Are you over your 'episode' from yesturday?"

"Are you over your dorkness?" she asked

He sighed and sat down. "I want some breakfast..."

"Then make your own" she said

"I don't know how to cook"

Sam started to laugh

"Yeah well, at least I don't fail every class in school, please excuse my inability to cook" he smirked

"At least I'm not a dork"

"At least my butt's not shaped like a ham!" he said

"One, gross. Two, you used that comeback already. And three, how do you know my butt's shaped like a ham?"

"Cuz.."

"Yeah!" said Carly "How do you know? Is it cuz you look?"

"Why would I do that?" he said blushing

"Okay, I'm a little grossed out now" said Sam "I think I'm going to go eat on the couch, you comming Carls?"

"Yeah," Carly smiled grabbed her breakfast and sat next to Sam.

Freddie awkwardly sat next to Sam, she noticed it and got up and left to go to Carly's room. Freddie sighed.

"Why is she so mad at me?" asked Freddie "I mean, I don't like her, but we are supposed to be friends."

"She's mad because you implied that she had no feelings--"

"Yeah. Well--"

"Let me finish." said Carly holding up a hand "Every girl has feelings, no matter how tough"

Freddie watched as Carly got up from the couch and left as well.

"Carly?" he called "Carly, I need to tell you something"

"Yeah?" she said comming back

"I...Tell her I'm sorry" he said "I didn't mean to hurt the feelings I didn't think she had"

"Alright." Carly breathed "Freddie, you have to learn to handle girls. Or else, you will never get one"

She left Freddie for a second time, alone and thoughtful.

"Is she implying that I'm a dork?" he asked himself

--In Carly's room-

"Hey" Carly said "Why'd you leave?"

"Because I didn't want to sit next to that dork" and sighed "And because here, you have a HDTV"

Carly laughed "He told me to tell you that he's sorry.."

Sam lifted an eyebrow "If he was really sorry, he'd say it to my face"

"I think you kind of scare him" she laughed "You do give him wedgies"

Then it was Sam's turn to laugh "That, I do"

"Yeah"

"I can't accept his apology, you know I can't, he has to prove to me that he sorry" she whispered getting up from Carly's bed "I'm going to The Groovy Smoothie, want something?"

"A strawberry smoothie" said Carly sighing defeatedly

"Okay, be back in 15"

Sam left Carly's room and as she passed Freddie in the living room he got up, ran to the door and said "Sam, I really am sorry"

"Prove it" she said "Oh wait!" she laughed and the suddenly got serious again "You can't"

He looked down and let her pass. "I can. You're wrong" he said as he watched her leave.

"...and one more thing, I'm NOT a DORK!"

--

A/N:

I thought this was OH-Kay. Remember all will be explained. Be patient. I'm glad u like my story.

mucho luvv,  
-Aimers

Read and Review...Don't be anonymous! 


	4. iWant To Know

Chapter 4: "iWant to Know"

"Sam!" he called watching her ignore him as she walked into The Groovy Smoothie.

She finally grew tired of his calls..

"What!?" she asked impatient, angry and near tears.

"I just..I want to know why you got so upset. I am sorry but...but, i don't understand why--"

"You want to know why?" she asked walking towards him. "Do you really want to know why?"

"Yes" he said catching his breath.

"Fine" she grabbed him and they ran to the park, where she sat down and cried.

He was appalled, he had never seen Sam like this.

"About 6 years ago...my dad was shot..." she started

"But that--"

"Let me finish!" she snapped, wiping the angry tears from her eyes. "I saw him get killed" she whispered. He gasped and instinctivley put his arm around her.

"I'm so sorry" he said. She shook her head and pushed him away.

"If I...had a penny for everytime..I heard that, I'd be a rich woman" she laughed scornfully. "But before I could even witness the shooting, I remember..."

-Flashback-

A blond girl stood in her PJ's clutching her stuffed bear, whimpering and flinching everytime she heard her father and mother scream at each other. She sighed.

"...Sam..." he father had yelled. A crash was heard. "...A HEARTLESS BITCH!"

She was so young and yet so capable of knowing exactly what he meant. She knew she wasn't a good girl at times, she knew it. But she didn't that her father thought she was heartless. The little wavy haired girl ran down the ivory steps of her home and raced after her father who was clutching his suit's jacket, briefcase and head.

"Daddy!" she called.

It rained. It poured.

"I'm leaving!" she heard him say.

"And what about us??" asked Sam's mom frantically "So that's how it's going to be, Max, you're just gonna leave?"

"Yes." he said

"But..but daddy! I'm not--I will.." started Sam

"Stay out of this Sammi" said her father "I can't stay in this hell"

"Dad, I promise..I"

"I said STAY OUT OF IT!" he yelled walking out of the house.

"Daddy!"

-End of flashback-

"Sam.. I" Freddie looked at Sam with concerned eyes.

"That's why your comment hurt..." she sniffed and wiped her eyes "...me so much."

"I'm really sorry I said that"

"He was my best friend" she whispered "..and he's gone because of me"

"No Sam, he's not" said Freddie

"Do you have any idea how horrible it is to live...with your mom?" she asked.

"Believe me I do" he laughed "I do..."

"Anti- tick lotion?"

"Yup."

She laughed for a while and then fell into a sudden state of melacholy.

"But does your mom blame you everyday for what happened to your father?" Sam asked "Does your mom remind you of what a horrible person you are?"

"You're not a horrible person Sam. You're just...spirited" he said

"But...don't you hate me?" she asked looking at him in disbelif

"What?" he looked at her "Why ever would you say that?"

"Well.. I do give you wedgies..."

"Yeah, but, you're still one of my best friends...and I forgive you every time" he said.

"You're not so bad...for a dork" she rolled her eyes.

"Netiher are you" he smiled " So, are we cool?"

"Yeah" she high fived him and smiled.

--

A/N: Me thinks that was rather bittersweet. Don't you?? lol. So what happens next? Truth, I don't even know, this story just continues to surprise me. haha

Read and review...don't be anonymous!

Much love 2 all of u,  
Aimers

oohh and Nature- Royal Pain rox! Who knew pain could be so awesome? luvv--aims 


	5. iAmAfraid

Hey!! Here's yet another chapter!! Ooo and Nature-- you're very welcome!!

Chapter 5: "iAmAfraid"

She couldn't believe it. She couldn't believe how her life had changed. She couldn't believe that she was hanging out with him. That she was actually having a normal conversation with her enemy, with Freddie. She mostly couldn't believe herself when she opened up to him.

She became less bitter and angry at herself once she learned that her fathers death was not her fault. Talking to him eased her pain. Made her feel somewhat...important.

And on this paticular day, they sat facing each other drinking smoothies at the infamous Groovy Smoothie.

"You know, I've spent my whole life trying to forget everything. I've been trying to ignore the fact that he's dead, the fact that although it's not my fault, he's gone...and what hurts me the most is that I couldn't do anything about it" she sighed

"Well, I think that you shouldn't try to forget. Keep his memory alive, Sam. He wants you to be happy." he smiled.

"I haven't visted his grave since I was 10" she looked away "I feel like an ungrateful daughter"

"Why don't you go now?"

"I'm...well...afraid" she said in almost a whisper.

"Oooh!" he laughed "The notorious Samantha Puckett is...what's that?" he cupped his hands around his ear "Afraid?"

She looked down, blushing "Yes, and if you make another comment about this, or tell anyone, I will make sure that it's not Gibby that gets the Texas Wedgie, it's you"

His eyes widened "Sorry" he muttered. "You're such a dork"

He looked at her "Go visit him"

"I...can't" she started "Not now"

Not now. She had said and he understood. He felt her pain, although not directly, put he felt it.

"He was my best friend. He played with me when my mother went out with her friends, he healed my wounds, he scolded me when I did the wrong thing, and he gave me a hug when I needed it" she said trying to hold back her tears "I miss him Freddie. He taught me to be strong. I'm less bitter, but the only thing I hate myself for now is that I couldn't be strong for him"

"Trust me, you're strong" he said rubbing his arm " I should know"

She laughed. "Not like that"

She punched his shoudler.

"I'm not ready"

--

A/N: This was short. Very short. Hope u like, next chapter is gonna be longer...promise!  
I have a very well explained reason as to why this is so short, all shall be revealed! Next chapter!! lolz, i'm so evil.

Aims 


	6. iSaidIt

Hey! This might come as a surprise but..this is the end!! OMG! The end...wipes a tear This made me cry.

Chapter 6: "iSaid It"

10 years into the future.

"Sam!" he had screamed "Just say goodbye"

"I'm not ready!"

"It's over 10 years, when will you be?" he closed his eyes ans sighed. "I'm leaving"

"Why?" The hysterical blond cried. Her tears flowed from her eyes to the puddle of water on the floor. The broken glass lay on the floor.

"Because. How do you expect to get married and raise a family if you don't learn to leave your soul at peace? I can't do this anymore..." he grabbed his coat and ran out into the rain, just like her father had.

The trauma from the night her father died hit her hard and she ran after him on impulse. She ran in the rain calling his name in vain as he drove off into the gray horizon. She fell on her knees and cried.

"God," she looked at the sky "Why?"

She buried her face in her hands and cried. Her tears were salty and filled with sorrow. She got up and walked over to a nearby chruch and sat down. Her clothes made the seat wet as she looked into the face of a statue. She had always believed in God, even when her mother had lost all faith and cursed His name, she had always prayed that somehow her life could be changed. Her father had taught her.

But when you're drenched in water, your fiance just drove off because of you, and you're not a peace with yourself...you kind of lose hope. All the hope of a better life had vansihed before her eyes when he had left. All the happiness that he had brought into her life faded as she stared into the face of the statue.

"Why? God? Why me?"

She looked at the statue as if it were going to say something and looked around.

"Maybe it's because you haven't said goodbye yet." a voice said, she turned around.

"Why, Father? Why can't I just forget?" she asked her childhood preist. The one that baptized her ,gave her her first communion and blessed her fathers grave at his funeral.

"Well, Sammi, I know it's hard. But God wants you to learn, you have to do what he says" he whispered as he sat next to her.

"Please, Father, don't call me Sammi," she cried "I haven't been called Sammi, since..."

Her voice trailed off as she looked into the eyes of the preist.

"I know. Here's my advice, Sam, take it or leave it. Go, say goodbye"

"I can't. I've been trying to forget. It's just so hard having to put on a fake smile for everyone and trying to breathe without oxygen" she cried "He left..."

"I know your father has been gone for--"

"No, I meant Freddie, he left" she whispered.

"He wants you to learn, just like I do" the preist put a hand on her shoulder "You're father left not because of you, but because of all the problems at home. He just got fed up. Max would have wanted you to be happy."

"I know, it's not my fault. I just...I just wished I could have stopped it and I am happy...somewhat..."

"Don't lie to yourself."

Sam sighed and looked at the stained glass windows, the one that showed Jesus' birth.

"Fate is a strange thing but destiny is something you make. Fate is what God decides for you but destiny is where you are destined to be, where you want to be."

"I want all of things, Father. I just haven't gotten them"

"You wanted Freddie and you got him."

"But he left!" she cried

"And he'll come back. It's the fate that God has decided for you and the destiny you made" he smiled.

She smiled back, wiped her tears and got up "Thank you, Father"

She walked miles to the Seattle Ridge Cementery that night. She ran through the millions of graves praying to God that it was the right thing to do. She ran until she found the moss covered grave that read:

MAXWELL PUCKETT (1970-2008)

A loving father and friend.

She sat next to his grave and cried for a few moments before starting to speak.

"Dad," she started "I've learned alot of things," her sorrow seemed neverending.

"I've learned that you can't hide from everything. I want to say I'm sorry for dissapointing you. I'm sorry for not being strong enough to let you go." she choked on a sob "I just can't. I could never imagine the thought of you gone. You..."

"You were my best friend, I remember, when I was 7 and you taught me to ride my bike. You said that no matter how much I fell or how long it took me to learn you'd still teach me. You'd still love me. I was a little slow, I couldn't learn things fast, I was afraid. But you taught me never to be afraid.You had so much strength. I just wish I had all the life that you had in you. I remember the day you and Mom took me to a farm and how you said that even plants had life. That everywhere I went there was life." she cried on the small gravestone and cleaned the moss off, took of the dead leaves and flowers and fell to her knees beside it.

"You taught me how to live and I guess that when you left I stopped. Both Mom and I. Mom stopped caring. She stopped caring about anyone, even herself. We were lost. I still am sort of lost but I have Freddie now, or at least I had him," she cried harder.

"He helped me Dad, helped me alot. And I...love him. I also remember the day you and Mom started fighting. Oh, how could I forget...It was the most horrible day of my life."

She spent another hour or so crying on the grave, greiving her father and talking to him and after it was all done she felt a sort of happiness within her. A sort of freedom. A gust of wind passed by her and the sun started to come out as a rainbow sprouted by the little lake at the cementary.

"So Dad, without further ado, goodbye" she sighed placed a flower that she had found on the grave and got up. "I'll miss you. You'll always be in my thoughts and I will always pray for you. I know you're in a better place now"

And as if by a whsiper she heard the wind say...I am always with you...Sammi. She wasn't sure if she had heard right but she wanted so badly to believe what she had heard, as paranormal as it sounded. The spirit was still alive even after death.

As she walked back to her house crying, she didn't look back all she did was take out her cellphone and dial a number. She on the bench at a nearby park.

"Hello?" said a male voice comming from the other side of the phone, slightly angry.

"Freddie?"

"Yeah?" he knew perfectly well who this was. His voice had softened. She cried tears of joy into the phone.

"I...I said goodbye" she smiled choking on her tears.

Sometimes when people die you don't need to forget or pretend they're still alive. All you need to do is close you eyes and hear them, they are around you and watching over you so that you are not only left with the memories that haunt you...There are always those around you who come into your life for a reason helping you learn and grow with their immense love.

A/N: This took alot of me to write. I hate to make Sam suffer. But...what an you do? I edited this like 10 times. I was listening to "Story of a Girl"

This is the story of a girl Who cried a river and drowned the whole world And why she looks so sad in photographs I absolutley love her--When she smiles!

How many days in a year?  
She woke up with hope but she only found tears And I can so insincire, making the promises never for real As long as she stands there waiting--

You all know the rest! Bye!  
Read and Review...

AMY 


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